Re: poem by me(im new at this)tell me what u think(e-mail me):
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Posted by RoB on January 24, 19102 at 11:42:54:
In Reply to: poem by me(im new at this)tell me what u think(e-mail me) posted by Kim on November 23, 19101 at 18:25:14:
your poem is weak. it is a good first try, though. here are some thoughts:
1. spelling matters.
It is tough to get through this "poem" with all the errors.
2. Line breaks would help.
3. use other words- fresher, sharper ones. this poem is dull.
4. revise it about 20 times.
after you do this, repost it.
: tiny specks of sparkaling light remain for a few lovly moments more, and you know you wont make it alive. your heart beats slowly and a dramatic nightmare rushes though your blood and out the open wound, pouring down with the rain that surrounds you. the sky above is black, unearthly creatures caught your eye. your panicing inside yet your frozen you feel a pain in your chest, and; you relise, your happy, and alone once again...or were you all along?
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