TREASURES FROM THE JOLLY ROGER CARGO HOLD
THE PIRATE PROPHETS STRIKE GOLD
THIRTY-FIVE IRREFUTABLE PEARLS OF WISDOM
copyright 1996 jollyroger.com(TM) & Elliot McGucken, Drake Raft & Becket Knottingham
Looters will have their throats slit.

1. Avast! By the time ye figure us out, it will be too late.

2. Separation of the church and state does not mean the eradication of moral standards by the state.

3. Ignorance of the law is no excuse, and knowledge of it shouldn't be.

4. Bureaucracy breeds mediocrity, and mediocrity returns the favor.

5. The only way to pass a creative writing class is to get kicked out of it.

6. Necessity is the mother of all invention, and bureaucracy is a son of a b****.

7. Postmodernists swing a double-edged sword. They swing the sword screaming there are no truths, leveling all Greatness, and then they swing it back proclaiming their prejudices.

8. The problem with government grants in the humanities and arts is that they only ever go to the socialists who are shameless enough to ask for them.

9. The worst thing a liberal could do to Greatness was not publish us, and now, with the WWW, that doesn't matter.

10. Freud wrote the Cliffnotes to Shakespeare.

11. The aspect by which knowledge is born, imagination, often becomes ridiculued, castigated, and impugned in the institutions that are founded teach the knowledge, unless the leaders of the institution possess the moral vision to recognize and promote original contributions. 'Tis where democracy finds its strength, for the leaders are the people, and long before any administrator, they will recognize and appreciate an enhancement to their existence.

12. Free love isn't love.

13. The Good Ship Jolly Roger is the only contemporary vessel capable of delivering Great Literature to the people. This is because www.jollyroger.com is anchored by zero resent-laden liberal socialist failed writers turned editorial administrators or something.

14. Future authors of Great Literature will make enemies of the liberals and their intellectually pernicious ideology.

15. The predominant contribution of feminists to literature has been a new character type-- the feminist.

16. God helps those who help themselves. Liberals hate those who help themselves.

17. To be morally indifferent is to be an extremist. For death is an extreme state.

18. You cannot teach a man respect by denying him his dignity.

19. Tomorrow's money is worth less than today's because you can borrow it instead of earning it. 'Tis why liberals are so fond of it.

20. Today universities manufacture scholars far faster than thinking alone ever did.

21. Postmodernists are either dishonest, stupid, or both. For no man who has felt hunger truly believes that there is no such thing as the Truth.

22. By publishing pornography you are censoring the sacred.

23. The pirate motif allows us to satirize the reign of terror the liberals have been waging in the academy. Also alternative girls like guys in red bandannas.

24. When you put a price on education, you devalue it.

25. The government cannot create a rugged individual. God alone can do that. The government can only destroy one.

26. Liberals want big government to limit the people's freedom because they think everyone's as sinister and Godless as themselves.

27. Liberals said that words don't mean anything and that everything is but politics, and now, for their literature, it is true.

28. You will never witness a liberal deconstructing another liberal's literature. There is nothing to tear down.

29. Tenure grants professors academic freedom from thinking.

30. According to liberals, the primary role of people is not to be entertained nor exalted by literature, but it is to fund it.

31. A PhD often serves as a license to make one's ignorance one's arrogance.

32. Tenure means nothing but job security. Academic freedom is guarenteed to all Americans by the first amendment.

33. Today divorce has a higher approval rating than the president.

34. Not all thoughts are equal in merit. Some, like our own, are better than others.

35. From God we receive both our freedom and morality. A Godless society will have neither.

36. Einstein stood on the shoulders of giants to see further. The modern liberal pedant stands on their shoulders to cut their head off.

37. The political spectrum is a circle. The far left, and the far, far right meet at the bottom.

38. There will always exist darkness. Each man decides whether to accept the darkness, and serve under it, or to dare to strike a match, showing the way, and exposing the dark deeds of the others.

39. For a match to ignight a fire, the match itself must be spent.

40. History shows that some men seek to crucify prophets of the Truth.

41. History also shows that men seek to study the prophets of truth, not those who crucify them.