The highly-specialized Physics, Philosophy, and English departments could not support our passions, nor did we find in the "grunge/slacker/generation-x" industry a worthy harbor for our intellect. Indeed specialization is beneficial to society, but we argue that every civilization needs roads as long as its wells are deep, otherwise the people shall go thirsty. And today's pop-culture has left us high and dry.

To us it is a myth that a liberal education ends when one receives one's undergraduate diploma. We believe that the only scholars who can inspire today's youth to pursue a liberal education are those who are themselves committed to the relentless pursuit of one. We're proud to be performing the job that the University is no longer able to do. We're proud to be inspiring the people of this nation to read words that mean things, by giving them something in return for their efforts-- the truth.

Throughout our undergraduate educations, we encountered time and again liberal professors who were hostile towards what we believe to be the fundamental pillar of education-- clear, well-expressed thought, reflecting the Truth. We found the intellectual elite to be anti-intellectual. Joyce Carol Oates, a famous feminist novelist, once quipped in class that, "thoughts aren't real." This sentiment explains a lot about the present state of liberally dominated institutions of higher learning. She was using it as an excuse for not having to harbor any Great Thoughts to be a professor at Princeton. Politics would do. After all, politics, not great writing, had provided her with her job. When the liberals destroyed the reality of thought in academic institutions, they left the young scholar with nothing worth living for. She tried to kick us out of her class, as we possessed linear minds, but we stayed on to educate ourselves of the thought processes of a liberal, not to be confused with the liberal education we received by reading the Liberals preach diversity, but it is no secret that straight conservative males aren't too high on the contemporary reading lists found in today's universities. Diversity to a university admistrator is a collection of like-minded liberals of different ethnicities and genders. The best move a white male aspiring to receive a good job in academia can make is to refrain from thinking. He can bury his conscience and any passion for the Truth and Great Literature and become an administrator. Then he will be allowed to raise funds and see to it that racial quotas are filled. But this does not interest nor inspire us. We have something to lose, for the Western Soul is at stake, and it is the same as ours. And so, unrecognized by the university, we've become the renegade pirates of the Western Soul.

We call ourselves conservative scholars because certain fundamental principles exist within our souls and serve as beacons in the liberal night. We believe that there is the Truth and that the goal of an education is to seek It. When one no longer believes that the Truth exists, then one has completed one's education. At this point the responsible thing to do would be to divorce oneself from all institutions of higher learning, but this is the stage at which professors recieve tenure in today's liberal institutions. Heck-- they won't make anyone look bad.

We believe that words mean things, and that there is a difference between thought and feeling, and that when the two meet, in minds like Shakespeare's, beautiful literature results. We're conservative because we believe that the Western Intellectual Heritage, embodied in the written words of the Western Canon, is worth preserving for our children. For the printed word deepens the rational part of man's soul, and it is only within the context of this deeper realm that the concept of freedom can exist in harmony with moral responsibility.

At Princeton it was not required that we read anything Shakespeare ever wrote. It was not required that we read the Constitution. It was not required that we read, The Declaration of Independence, nor the Apology, nor Moby Dick, nor Huckleberry Finn. In short, it was not required that we receive an education, but we managed to do so in our spare time, because we never forgot the responsibility of everyone who calls themselves a student-- to educate oneself. .

There are subterranean fields in our souls that lie far deeper than what is portrayed on MTV, there are vistas of the common man's intellect that are far higher than what is alluded to in Rolling Stone, and there is a reality of our souls that is far vaster than what has been captured by Hollywood. There is the printed word, and the liberal does not respect it. In pop-culture the liberals have overlaid the subtle in the human soul with the vulgar, and eroded the romantic nobility of rational, enduring love with the crass. In the University they have buried the Greats of the Western Canon beneath layers of bureaucracy and nihilism. They have confiscated the treasures that since the beginning of civilization have given the young scholar something to live for, and hidden them, replacing the gold's gleam with their dull bureaucracy. Greatness must be absent from the liberal institutions, for the works of the feminists and multi-culturalists are dwarfed in such a context, and their lack of significance is exposed.

This was what we learned at Princeton-- liberals hate those with beacons in their souls. They hate those who did not show up the university for a mere transcript from a reputable institution, but who came to the institution seeking the truth. And we have watched them attempt to apprehend, deny, and destroy the treasure we harbor in our hearts-- the beacon of truth that we feel pulsing in our veins, inspiring our intellects to follow. Ahoy! But we remind them that this is a free country, and with the advent of the WWW, the fact that the liberal soul controls the universities and corporate-conglomerate presses no longer matters. We can now submit our thoughts to the people with the touch of a key, and serve them, while the liberal-elite continue to serve themselves in yesterday's dissipating context.

We built THE JOLLY ROGER so that we'd have a vessel upon which we could band together and pirate those treasures which liberals have buried from sight. The Jolly Roger is fabricated from, "Oak planks of reason, riveted with rhyme, built to voyage across all time." This frigate and the New Literature shall house the gems of our souls as we pay homage to our Western heritage by endeavoring to create a contemporary popular culture within its rich context. And let the liberals beware when they see our skull and bones waving on the horizon; for let all know that we are the most heavily armed schooner adrift on the seven cyber-seas. Aboard this ship is the Western Canon.

Well, check out the New Literature! This explanatory stuff bores us more than it bores you. Be careful out there, and have fun!

All the Best, The Red Avengers of All that is Right and True--

Elliot "Ahab" McGucken--Captain
Drake "Red Avenger" Raft--First Mate
Becket "Bluebeard" Knottingham--Second Mate