Avast! The above liberal literary passage is central to our classic plan
to alert the alumni of Princeton to what Shapiro needs their money for.
You will notice that we adamantly refuse to taint the immaculate deck of
The Good Ship with pornography, but be it known that when it comes to that
last Weekend in May, whence the Princeton reunions attract over 10,000
alumni back to the gothic campus, the original text shall be restored in
the 5,000 posters that are destined to be plastered upon the Gorgeous
Gothic Campus. And then shall her countenance match her Soul! An honest
man in rags is still an honest man, say I, while a harlot in the finest
dress is yet a whore. Ahoy Shapiro! And if any of the thirty-seven
gallant members of Princeton's oldest secret society, The Princetonians
After Dark, spy one of yer crew members taking down one of the
pornographic posters created by yer esteemed professors, we shall notify
the Police! For upon the gothic grounds of Princeton, this pornography is
protected by academic freedom, and thus we shall see that you and your
anti first-amendment comrades are sent to prison for infringing upon Ms.
Oates rights to have her work read and appreciated by those who pay for
it. Ahoy Shapiro! We're loading the Roger's cannons with all the crap that
you morally indifferent,
money-hungry-liberal-feel-good-because-I-hire-feminist boomers fired at
our innocent souls, so as to sink them to the same depths as yers, and
we're going to launch the vile mortar in all it's hellish entirety right
back into yer face, or something.
We have acquired military maps of the Princeton township, and in red we
have placed x's on all the Kinko's and Copytrons. In the ranks of The
Princetonians After Dark there exist key members who will be working the
major reunions, including the fifth, the tenth, the twentieth, and perhaps
the most essential, the fiftieth. Do not attempt to find out their
identities $hapiro, for we have trained them in liberal guerrilla warfare,
and they will be as impossible to discern as Bill Clinton's soul. And as a
good portion of the over ten-thousand returning alumni stay in the vacated
dorms, arrangements are being made to include the greatest hits from the
Princeton Professor's Pornography in the pillowcases, including Nobel
Prize Winning Toni Morrison's,
"I destroyed white baby dolls. But the dismembering of dolls was not the
true horror. The truly horrifying thing was the transference of the same
impulses to little white girls. The indifference with which I could have
axed them was shaken only by my desire to do so. To discover what eluded
me: the secret of the magic they weaved on others. . . If I pinched them,
their eyes-- unlike the crazed glint of the baby doll's eye-- would fold
in pain, and their cry would not be the sound of an icebox door, but a
fascinating cry of pain."
Thus the alumni can sleep on it before including Princeton in their will.
Our freedom fighters are the bravest of men, our arsenal is vast, and we
are contacting the Daily Princetonian to run full page adds. We have
connections on Tiger Magazine who are all too ready to have a good time at
the snobby, amoral bigot's expense. Our defense-fund resources are
bottomless, for Becket is at this moment negotiating the movie rights with
a Hollywood agent. This is just the kind of story they're looking for.
Young, sober, conservative intellectual rebels battling the aging,
acid-dropping, dope-smoking alternative artist/intellectuals and the
amoral administrators who are good at turning their head the other way as
many times as it takes. It will be an action-packed adventure with the
perfect Hollywood ending in which Tradition, Honor, Justice, and Family
Values prevail. The camera will pan across the attentive students taking
notes in beautiful Richardson auditorium, and upon the podium will be a
radio tuned in to Rush.
We know you will read this, Shapiro, even though your name isn't
officially amongst the over 4,000 courageous intellectuals and liberal
stow-aways who have signed their souls aboard the world's largest literary
frigate. You will read this because Ignorance of the Law is No Excuse.
Ahoy Shapiro! Bill Clinton has begun sounding like a conservative, and it
is high time that you started faking it too.
On our military maps Skulls and Crossbones have been drawn over all the
major reunions sites, for it is at these locales that the President's
relentless campaign to fund liberalism will meet its early end. We will
plaster these sites with acclaimed gay author David Leavitt's accounts of
alternative relationships, so that the alumni might enjoy having their
reality reflected. I remember Joyce Carol Oates invited him in for a
reading, and it sucked. And then he taught creative writing the following
year. It's people like this who are occupying the positions (academic)
that people like us would like to have, if we believed creative writing
could be taught. We have contacted the New Jersey Freemen and they shall
be stringing banners with Leavitt's insightful prose across the fiftieth
reunion held in Forbe's College, so that all the distinguished gentlemen
might enjoy what you've done to old Nassau, Shapiro. Ahoy! Forbes
college-- me freshman dorm named after none other but mild mannered Steven
Forbes. Why should Mr. Forbes give one red cent to those who are intent on
destroying the cultural fabric of this nation?
And since a lot of reminiscing will be done in the dorms, we will have the
Princetonians After Dark delivering condoms to all the distinguished
gents, and their wives, many of whom never felt embarrassed to raise
traditional families. A few years back as an undergrad I earned some money
by making the beds for the fiftieth reunions held in the beautiful Forbes
college dormitory, and I remember well the missing condoms and the
resulting long faces and down-trodden demeanor of the pleasant alumni.
These were the brave men who had served in WW II, and they deserved better
than this. I vowed that if ever I had a chance, I would see to it that
they would be afforded the opportunity to remember yesteryear's Princeton
activities to a fuller extent, and again savor the sublime romantic
atmosphere that today prevails during freshman week. And thus the
Princetonian's of Darkness have volunteered to deliver the small packages
to the dignified alumni. Written on the nostalgic tokens that shall come
between the distinguished gents and the deadly AIDS virus shall be, "Don't
Screw Princeton-- Defund Shapiro's Silent Liberalism." Or maybe we'll
just stamp 'em with, "Save Princeton and Your Money."
The President continues his monetary plea, perpetually eager to be
generous with vast amounts of other people's money:
"These previous generations of Princetonians had not only provided the
physical setting: Nassau Hall, Firestone Library, McCosh Hall, Prospect
Garden and the rest. They had also given books and laboratory equipment,
established fellowships and scholarships and supported programs of
teaching and research. . . Now it's our job to insure that this legacy is
passed on to Princeton's students of tomorrow. As you may know, on
November 10, we officially launched the Anniversary Campaign for Princeton
Ahoy me maties! Now everybody read the above passage twice, for there's a
key point being made here. Dost ye glimpse the White Whale centered at the
crux of the postmodern administrator's morbid, superficial philosophy?! Is
he not forgetting to acknowledge those who gave the most essential
elements to Princeton? Is he not forgetting to thank the immortal souls
who make the gothic stones sacred? Ahoy! It is what is written in the
stone that comprises the Permanent Things, not the stone itself!
According to the liberal administrator, books are entities that are given,
not written! While the fund-raiser praises the gray stone of the buildings
and the machines within them, he refrains from acknowledging the spirits
who inspired the erection of the buildings and the phantoms within the
machines! 'Tis because the modern liberal doesn't believe in the eternal
soul. Ahoy Shapiro-- you and I are two Captains of opposite natures,
steering our frigates along opposite courses! For when I walk the
Princeton campus, as when I walk the streets in Chapel Hill, or anywhere
in this Great nation, or upon this globe, I marvel at the fact that Great
Spirits such as Socrates ever walked this earth. While you marvel at the
well-fertilized gra$$, I marvel that Plato immortalized the words Socrates
spoke after having been sentenced to death by a panel of liberal
administrators. Thus we know Socrates stated, "If again I say it is the
greatest good for a man every day to discuss virtue and the other things,
about which you hear me talking and examining myself and everybody else,
and that life without inquiry is not worth living for a man, you will
believe me still less if I say that."
What was Socrate's crime, Shapiro, that so antagonized the ancient
liberals? The same as mine, which got me executed in my first creative
writing class at Princeton-- speaking the Truth. Ahoy! I had come from the
midwest where we had been taught to not use profanity, and to respect
adults, and to speak the Truth. I didn't show up at Princeton with too
much more than that, and when yer malicious crew tried to confiscate it, I
let 'em know that I never hesitate to lay a resentnik on their back, like
how Snoop Doggy Dogg says. For a time at Princeton I was confused, as I
encountered adult liberals held in high regard who utilized profanity and
dealt in an underhanded manner. Now I see that the tacit agreement in my
upbringing was that adults were to be respected not for the sake of
respect, but because they didn't use profanity, and because they behaved
in a moral, forthright manner. But when ye resentniks did away with the
Truth, so too did ye do away with the moral obligation to Speak It,
Promote It, Teach It, and Defend It to the Ideological death. And as
morality is rooted in the Truth, so too did you conveniently toss it
aside, so that your liberal friends could make money by tempting the young
and shattering my generation's soul with pornography. Ahoy Shapiro, and I
was outnumbered upon yer gutted campus, as I am today, by the vast liberal
literary machine. Only if I wallowed in grunge, if I resigned myself to
being a slacker, or if I accepted the generation-x label and said I had no
identity, would ye and yer pernicious liberal-editorial- cultural tyrants
acknowledge me. And thus to be was not to be. So it was until the WWW
set me soul free. Argrhrgrhrghrgrr! But 'tis no matter, for what greater
context for the swift, creative individual than the blind, blundering
machine! Where does God gain his fullest glory? In the desecrated Chapel,
or in the soul of the man who does right?
Woe unto ye, Shapiro! For there's a growing sentiment amongst the members
of this generation, a flowing tide within our souls which is today rising
above the liberal barriers you relentlessly attempt to erect in the young.
It is called the Truth, and I say unto all that this generation is seeking
a righted world in which virtue is honored, and vice is castigated. I'm
speaking about the dawn of a new era, where the sober arts, such as
literature, again receive the respect that they deserve. Aye aye Shapiro.
I say unto you that we see little reason why this generation should be
denied Great Literature so that you can bolster your immense ego with the
circus you run at Princeton, and attempt to pass off your disinterest in
and distaste for intellectual pursuits as compassion for the twisted,
inferior resentniks such as Joyce Carol Oates. Be it known that the
morally indifferent man is an extremist, for death is an extreme state.
And ye will deny all this $hapiro, along with yer willing accomplices in
the Princeton Alumni Weekly who choose to run cover stories on Marx
instead of THE JOLLY ROGER. But denial is your job in this battle of
darkness versus light, and as was aforementioned, you and the ubiquitous
liberal machine provide the perfect backdrop to demonstrate unparalleled
superiority of me swift, deadly frigate. Finally the WWW has provided a
medium which eliminates all the pseudo-intellectual leaching middlemen
such as yerself, and allows the artist to touch the people's souls without
some failed-intellect's permission.
Socrates realized, "the fact is that no man in the world will come off
safe who honestly opposes you or any other multitude, and tries to hinder
the many unjust and illegal doings in a state. It is necessary that one
who really and truly fights for the right, if he is to survive even for a
short time, shall act as a private man, not as public man." Thus I sail
aboard a private ship, rather than an academic institution. Ahoy to the
WWW! What greater minister of justice than technology to wed the first
amendment with the people?
Ah Shapiro-- is it any wonder you prefer stone to scripture? For the stone
is the modern liberal administrator's comrade and companion, in that it
shares his moral indifference. 'Tis easy to perceive why socialists want
Socrates banned, for he spoke, "And by the Dog (Snoop), gentleman-- for I
must tell you the truth-- this is what happened to me: Those who had the
highest reputation seemed to me nearly the most wanting, when I tried to
find out in the God's way, but others who were thought inferior seemed to
be more capable men as to common sense." Aye aye then! Here ye see the
seeds of democracy, and that is why Socrates is cast in stained glass high
up in the Princeton Chapel! But rather than paying homage to his noble
spirit in your financial plea, rather than acknowledging the noble Western
Spirit which inspired men to lay one stone on top of the other so as to
build the temple of knowledge that became Princeton, you thank the glass.
'Tis because any mention of the Western Spirit would offend yer Resentnik
crew, and you know well they would seek to Destroy ye, which they have the
power to do, because ye have sold yer soul to them. Yer moral weakness
allowed ye to value money over all else, and thus ye became the perfect
specimen to beg for an institution which is today hell-bent upon the
destruction of Western Civilization. Shame on ye Shapiro! For the true
artist and intellectual does not go begging for money to create-- he prays
to God for the strength to create. Like about all that Princeton's
endowment is doing is enforcing nihilism and funding Marxism long after
its natural lifetime.
While you adore the nicely pruned trees, I marvel that Shakespeare ever
walked this earth, and that Melville lifted his pen not for money-- nay,
but for something far more fundamental. Pick up MOBY DICK and ye shall
hear Ahab pound his chest, and speak of the spiritual currency. And was it
not Jesus who spoke of that same spiritual currency, when he gave his only
coin to the tax collectors, and said, "give to Caesar that which is
Caesar's, and give to God that which is God's." Aye aye Shapiro! I run
across the fields in Ohio, and I marvel that Jesus was ever walked this
same earth to speak, "Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater-- the
gold or the God with sanctifieth the gold?" Which is a greater gift to
Princeton? Mere money or the Spirit by which we know of morality? Why
then, Shapiro, instead of asking for money are you not asking for Great
Literature to be written, published, promoted, and read?
And hang your head in embarrassment, or turn it the other way in denial,
as this beacon illuminates your lack of moral leadership and your refusal
to bear the responsibility of a Shepherd along with the immense salary,
the honorary robes, and the Shepherd's staff. I have risen to perform the
responsibility ye have forsaken, to tend to ye flock, and expose the
baneful resentniks dressed in sheep's clothing that reside amongst the
students, injuring the virtuous, and encouraging the diabolical.
In your April 17 President's Page you come close to hyper-extending your
arm in saying, "I would argue that the contemporary president's moral
leadership is more challenging than ever." That which does not exist is
hard to work with. You render your vast ego superbly in the above
passage-- better than even Joyce Carol Oate's could have, and with less
rape scenes. For ye are placing yer indiscernible moral task above that
of President Witherspoon's, who put his life, his fortune, and his honor
on the line when he signed the Declaration of Independence. I never
encountered the Declaration of Independence at Princeton, because it
wasn't included in the core curriculum, as the core curriculum did and
does not exist. So maybe you haven't seen it either, but it's that one
cool document that this country was founded upon. It actually
acknowledges God and opens with, "We hold these truths to be self-evident,
that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator
with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and
the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are
instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the
governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of
these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and
to institute new Government, and Presses, laying their foundations on such
principles and organizing their powers in such form, as to them shall seem
most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness." That means that the
people of this nation don't have to fund liberal pornography and amoral
nihilism if they don't want to. Why? Because God says so. And ye say
that yer moral task today is greater than was President Witherspoon's.
Yer bloated liberal arrogance entertains us, Shapiro. The last line of
The Declaration reads: "And for the support of this declaration, with a
firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge
to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor." Witherspoon
knew well that if the well-trained British army were to defeat
Washington's rebels, he would be executed as a traitor to the King.
Contrast this to your fear of being tried as a traitor to the nihilist
resentniks if ever you speak out against some feminist's vitriolic
pornography. Tell me Shapiro. Tell me what body of words ye have pledged
yer sacred honor to. Joyce Carol Oate's ZOMBIE?
President Witherspoon was a Presbyterian Minister, and thus he was
familiar with Luke 11:52 which read, "Woe to you experts in the law,
because you have taken away the key to knowledge. You yourselves have not
entered, and you have hindered those who were entering."
Avast! I can think of no greater sin for a teacher to commit than
blocking the way of those who seek to serve the people with knowledge.
And that is exactly what ye and yer liberal comrades were doing, up until
the WWW allowed an avenue around yer blockade. There ye all be, in yer
self-anointed superiority, kicking us out of yer classes, failing to
publish, promote, and assign our Great Literature, and instead eroding the
contemporary soul with yer trash TV-talk shows and pornagraphic novels.
But all this is temporary, and it shall soon pass.
For I say that ye cannot kill the Truth. You can briefly hinder it with
lies and radical feminism, but in the long run all that ye can kill is yer
own soul. For the Truth springs eternal, and Luke's words are today every
bit as verdant and effervescent as this thundering late Spring day in
Chapel Hill. And so too shall all forever be that is penned paying homage
to the Truth.
SHAPIRO'S LAST CHANCE FOR REDEMPTION
Being that our central philosophy, unlike the postmodernists, is not
destruction, but creation, let it be known that plastering profanity upon
the walls of Princeton is not our first choice. We would much prefer to
adorn the gothic campus with advertisements for Elliot McGucken's
forthcoming THE DRAKE RAFT FIELD TRIP, to be pre-published in May. We
believe it is more noble to ignite a brighter light than extinguish a
dying ember. But when the ember lingers on not for the sake of
illumination, but for the purpose of starving other potential lights of
the requisite air, then it becomes our duty to extinguish the pestiferous
ember.
This is where you come in Shapiro. All that we're commanding you to do,
Shapiro, is to come out against Ms. Oate's pornography on one of your
president's pages in the Princeton Alumni Weekly. Not only would you be
doing a great service to Princeton, the Nation, and Western Civilization,
but such an intrepid display of courage would also do a great service to
yerself and yer soul. Ye would demonstrate that ye are not a spineless
ninny, and that ye do indeed possess the strength of character to lead
this culture on a proper, respectable course. You would make Woodrow
Wilson proud and give him a break from spinning in his grave. Woody once
said, "The government which was designed for the people has got into the
hands of their bosses and their employers, the special interests. An
invisible empire has been set up above the forms of democracy."
I doubt a man of your intellect would notice this if it were to happen
today. Woody also said, "The history of liberty is a history of the
limitations of government power, not the increase of it."
The issues at stake here are immense-- they are nothing short of the
future of Western Civilization. For it is no secret that from within the
classrooms of Princeton are selected and propagated the students who
conform to the professor's likenesses. And I don't think it's too healthy
for a civilization to have a bunch of hideous losers choosing what
everyone gets to read and watch on TV. Many of them were never provided
with opportunities to grow fond of Romance, and while this is not their
fault, it is not the fault of the people who endure the wrath of their
vengeance. Nay, ye cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
I am intent on informing my generation of the vast literary opportunities
that exist, which your dervish crew must deny in order to perpetuate
their nihilistic, standardless reign of terror. I am letting fellow
youthful thinkers know that they are free to Express God's Moral Will,
and create a literature that Distinguishes between Right and Wrong, Moral
and Immoral. They will not be acknowledged by the established literati
but to be impugned, but that is no matter, for they will be heralded by
the young and yet to be born. The conservative literary renaissance is
under way, intent on delivering vast spiritual wealth to all. I have
risen to grow the economy with words that mean things. And know ye, that
those who stand in the way of me literature shall soon sink in the wake
of me ship!
So the choice is yours, President Shapiro. If within the next month ye
choose serve the people and come forth and demand the resignation of the
authors and authoresses of pornography from the Princeton faculty, then
yer immense fundraising campaign will be granted a chance of survival.
However, if you vacillate and forfeit on your Sacred Responsibility, as
liberals are prone to do, then you will leave THE JOLLY ROGER and the
Princetonian's After Dark no choice but to assign you and your
fundraising campaign to take up permanent residence in Davey Jones'
locker.
In closing yer fund-raiser's campaign, you say, "We must remember that it
is on behalf of Princeton students whose names we still do not know,
whose individual lives we cannot yet envision-- that we take these steps
today."
Aye Aye-- and it is for the concern of the future of this country, so as
to ensure that a moral democracy prevails, that I have built the greatest
possible gift for Princeton, the nation, and the free world, THE JOLLY
ROGER. While the future of Princeton's $750,000,000 fundraising campaign
is in your hands, the future of Princeton and Western Civilization are in
mine, and today this makes us enemies. And I'm not the first person to
have built a boat to accommodate the changin' weather.
THE READERS RESPOND: THANK YE, THANK YE, YER ALL TOO KIND
Date: Wed, 03 Apr 1996 16:45:45 +0000
From: Rhee
To: becket@jollyroger.com
Subject: Ashamed
I got the March edition of your wonderful thing. It's so great. I just
wrote to tell that I stole (I know it's bad) a copy of MOBY DICK from the
stacks in my English teacher's room. You see, the IB class at my school
used to read MOBY DICK as part of the syllabus, but they replaced it with
Toni Morrison's Song of Soloman, which was replaced by Achebe's Things
Fall Apart, which is what I have to read for class. My teacher decided
that Moby Dick was just to large of a work to read in our class. I'm only
on Ch.6, but it's quite enjoyable. Thanks for the recommendation.
Cheers,
Coxon
PS-For a laugh go to http://www.theeastvillage.com. If you haven't heard
of it, it's supposed to be Melrose Place meets Slacker. It's about some
25 year old editor and her bohemian pals in the East Village. They start
the page by quoting the Bible, it's hilarious, I couldn't get through the
first page before I had to stop and come here!
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: Avast! We do not condone theft, and thus we're
happy to see ye borrowed a copy of MOBY DICK when ye realized that ye
were being robbed of an education. I say the Great Book was purchased
with yer tax dollars so that it could be taken off the shelves of the
book stores and hidden in yer English Teacher's room! When ye return
Melville's Masterpiece, and ye want yer own, drop on by
http://jollyroger.com/moby.html and pick up a t-shirt too!
Date: Fri, 29 Mar 1996 10:04:02 -0600 (CST)
From: "Sharon M. Anderson"
To: becket@jollyroger.com
Subject: greeting
I really loved your page. It is hard to find people where I live that
belive in reading the classics. I want to commend you for your work and
tell you to keep it up.
I also wanted to clear up a little something. Most people would classify
me as a feminist, because I belive in equal rights. I see nothing wrong
in this. The women you are talking about give us a bad name, they need to
get their own group. The people who came up with the ideas to start the
movement did not have those views all they really wanted was to be able
to go into a interview and have the same chance as our friend Joe Blow
over on the right. It is like the term hackers. It did not use to be a
term referring to people who went into the systems and screw things up.
It was a term used to describe someone who was computer literate. Both
terms (hackers and feminists) have been changed. I guess what I am trying
to say is please do not streotype us. Not all of us have gone over the
deep end.
I also would like to say thank you for understanding that to write good
works you do not have to be drunk off your butt or high as a kite. Even
though a lot of the (what most of society call the great authors) were
always on trips. That does not mean you have to be on something to be
considered a great writer.
Keep up the good work you guys
Your humble ship mate,
Sharon
aka
One Eyed Rosie
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: Welcome aboard me sober matie! We're for equal
rights. We're against nihilism, pornography, and frontal assaults upon
the moral fabric of civilization authored by fringe feminists.
Date: Fri, 29 Mar 1996 12:28:34 -0500 (EST)
From: WCH_OCIS@mveca.ohio.gov
To: becket@jollyroger.com
Subject: mailto:becket@jollyroger.com
i love your literature
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: Avast! Brevity is the soul of wit!
Date: Thu, 04 Apr 96 02:15:11 -0800
From: Dave Spaulding
To: becket@jollyroger.com
Subject: This fine ship ye have here!
Avast! In the words of a loud musician "America is Killing it's youth!"
This is true in every sense. It is good to see that some fine maties of
our generation, and others, have found the, dare I say, "generational
spirit" to raise the flag of piracy and challenge the wild boomer waters.
How dare any generation before us say we cannot even dare to shine as
brightly. We need to be heard and I say this fine fighting frigate is
just what we need, and now I will step down from the proverbial soap box.
Yours justly and sincerily,
Dave "Ghost Rider" Spaulding
Arrrgh!!
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: Avast! This generation shall author a renaissance
I say! Round up all those opposed and have 'em walk the plank at midnight!
Date: Mon, 1 Apr 1996 11:05:31 -0500
From: "David"
To: becket@jollyroger.com
Subject: Ahoy!
Ahoy Good Captain!
I am writing in praise of the great ship Jollyroger. As a former high
school English teacher (who left in disgust of "the system") I want to
thank you for offering a real Literary Flagship as an alternative to the
Literary "S.S. Minnow" that contemporary "literary minds" want us to sail
with. I too have suffered through stifling creative writing classes in
which "creative" was very strictly defined by a prof. who, if you can
believe it, had little or nothing published him/herself ! ! ! !
I hope everyone on the Jollyroger gets a chance to hunt the white whale
as I have with Ahab, Ishmael, and the others. I also invite the Captain
and Crew of the Jollyroger to sail with Captain Falcon in Charles
Johnson's MIDDLE PASSAGE. A great seafaring read.
Thank ye again Jollyroger . . . literature ho! ! !
Gap-Toothed Dave
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: Avast! It breaks me heart that a fan of MOBY DICK
found their spirit exiled from a contemporary high school.
Arghrghrgrh!! Look out yer ivied offices, administrators, and in the
midst of the postmodern mist ye shall discern the outline of something
immense. Is it the white whale? Is it the Jolly Roger? Or is it the
sober spirit of man once again taking the form of Great Literature? I
assure ye it's all three, and it's as real as the fear ye feel.
Date: Mon, 1 Apr 1996 22:17:41 +1000
From: "------@hunterlink.net.au"
To: becket@jollyroger.com
Subject: Gen X
I am from Australia I love all of your work.
I have just noticed that of late the people aged from about 10 to 20 are
generally been called Gen 13 'The Doomed Generation' I was just wondering
if you had ever heard of anything like this. DACCA
THE CAPTIAN RESPONDS: Avast! That's just a bunch of washed-up boomers
trying to sell us bigger government and more drugs. This generation shall
author a renaissance, I repeat, for we believe in the Glory of God and
the Human Spirit and things!
Date: Tue, 2 Apr 1996 09:57:28 -0600 (CST)
From: Phillip W
To: becket@jollyroger.com
Subject: Re: AVAST! 123 Pearls of Wisdom from The Jolly Roger's Treasure
Chest
Thanks for sending one of the truest and most thought provoking lists of
wisdom I've ever read. I think I'm going to forward it to my principle's
address. He might learn something. Thanks much, I look forward to
reading more from the Jolly Roger.
THE CAPTAIN RESPOND: Avast! Such optimism for an administrator's
potential! See? Me generation is full of hope!
SHAPIRO'S CHANCE FOR REDEMPTION
Being that our central philosophy, unlike the postmodernists, is not
destruction, but creation, let it be known that plastering profanity upon
the walls of Princeton is not our first choice. We would much prefer to
adorn the gothic campus with advertisements for Elliot McGucken's
forthcoming THE DRAKE RAFT FIELD TRIP, to be published in April. Since
Shapiro's gulag destroyed the H.N. Swanson literary agency, as well as
the New York Publishing Industry, the novel is now represented by Becket
Knottingham of the jollyroger.com literary agency. Becket landed a great
deal with BeaconWay Press in which Elliot is guaranteed 100% of the
profits. All this happened at a tenure meeting in which Becket, Elliot,
and I were all granted tenure aboard the Good Ship. Be it known that
henceforth we possess the academic freedom to say what we believe. And
we believe it is more noble to ignite a brighter light than extinguish a
dying ember. But when the ember lingers on not for the sake of
illumination, but for the purpose of starving other potential lights of
the requisite air, then it becomes our duty to extinguish the pestiferous
ember.
Ahoy! Drop becket@jollyroger.com a line!
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