Are ye going to be in Chapel Hill or on The Outer Banks this summer? Let us know, and perhaps we'll let ye take The Captain out for Rum! Drop us a line at www.jollyroger.com.
Fading of the gray, dawning of the day,
The Carolina spring brings April flowers,
For love of her the words I had to say,
And now she's echoing the April showers.
April is the coolest month, breeding dreams,
Out of the dried ground we inherited,
Exalting the forms beyond all that seems,
And resurrecting the dispirited.
I come not to bring peace, I bear the sword,
To divide night from the morning's glory,
But fear me not; I only wield the word,
While by your actions you write the story.
She says, "Don't leave the poetry behind,
I love you, we'll make what we wish to find."
The following text cannot be refuted:
TWO HUNDRED AND SOMETHING PEARLS OF WISDOM
FROM THE JOLLY ROGER'S TREASURE CHEST
THE PIRATE PROPHETS STRIKE GOLD
1. If words don't mean anything, like how all the liberal-postmodern- administrator-instructors are always saying, then how come they never shut up?
2. Separation of the church and state does not mean the eradication of moral standards by the state.
3. The quickest way to a girl's heart is through her mind.
4. Ignorance of the law is no excuse, and knowledge of it shouldn't be.
5. Bureaucracy breeds mediocrity, and mediocrity returns the favor.
6. The only way to pass a creative writing class is to get kicked out of it.
7. Necessity is the mother of all invention, and bureaucracy is a son of a b****.
8. Postmodernists swing a double-edged sword. They swing the sword screaming there are no truths, leveling all Greatness, and then they swing it back proclaiming their prejudices.
9. The problem with government grants in the humanities and arts is that they only ever go to the socialists who are shameless enough to ask for them.
10. The worst thing a liberal could do to Greatness was not publish us, and now, with the WWW, that doesn't matter.
11. Freud wrote the Cliffnotes to Shakespeare.
12. Those who can do are never the ones telling you you can't-- they're too busy doing it..
13. The aspect by which knowledge is born, imagination, often becomes ridiculed, castigated, and impugned in the institutions that are founded teach the knowledge, unless the leaders of the institution possess the moral vision to recognize and promote original contributions. 'Tis where democracy finds its strength, for the leaders are the people, and long before any administrator, they will recognize and appreciate an enhancement to their existence.
14. Free love isn't love.
15. The Good Ship Jolly Roger is the only contemporary vessel capable of delivering Great Literature to the people. This is because www.jollyroger.com is anchored by zero resent-laden-liberal-socialist-failed writers turned administrators or something.
16. Future authors of Great Literature will make enemies of the liberals and their intellectually-pernicious ideology.
17. The predominant contribution of feminists to literature has been a new character type-- the feminist.
18. God helps those who help themselves. Liberals hate those who help themselves. Unless it's themselves.
19. To be morally indifferent is to be an extremist. For death is an extreme state.
20. You cannot teach a man respect by denying him his dignity.
21. Tomorrow's money is worth less than today's because you can borrow it instead of earning it. 'Tis why liberals are so fond of it.
22. Today universities manufacture scholars far faster than thinking alone ever did.
23. Postmodernists are either dishonest, stupid, or both. For no man who has felt hunger truly believes that there is no such thing as the Truth.
24. By publishing pornography one is censoring the sacred.
25. The pirate motif allows us to satirize the reign of terror the liberals have been waging in the academy. Also alternative girls like guys in red bandannas.
26. When you put a price on education you devalue it.
27. The government cannot create a rugged individual. God alone can do that. The government can only destroy one.
28. Communists want big government to limit the people's freedom because they think everyone's as sinister, uncreative, and Godless as themselves. And what better method than socialism is there for mediocrity to obtain absolute power?
29. Liberals said that words don't mean anything and that everything is but politics, and now, for their literature, it is true.
30. You will never witness a liberal deconstructing another liberal's literature. There is nothing to tear down.
31. Tenure grants professors academic freedom from thinking.
32. According to liberals, the primary role of We the People is not to be entertained nor exalted by literature, but it is to fund it.
33. A Ph.D. often serves as a license to make one's ignorance one's arrogance.
34. Tenure means nothing but job security. Academic freedom is guaranteed to all Americans by the First Amendment.
35. Today divorce has a higher approval rating than the president.
36. Not all thoughts are equal in merit. Some, like these, are better than others.
37. From God we receive both our freedom and morality. A Godless society will have neither.
38. Einstein and Newton stood on the shoulders of giants to see further. The modern liberal pedant stands on their shoulders to cut their heads off.
39. Freud invented psychology for all the ambitious slackademics who couldn't understand real science.
40. The political spectrum is a circle. The far left, and the far, far right meet at the bottom.
41. There will always exist darkness. Each man decides whether to accept the darkness, and serve under it, or to dare to strike a match, showing the way, and exposing the dark deeds of the others.
42. For a match to ignite a fire, the match itself must be spent.
43. Liberals justify making money off of selling smut and their relentless degradation of culture by saying their art is only reflecting reality. 'Tis true for the liberal-- their literature reflects the reality of their movies, and their movies reflect the reality of their literature. And both reflect the reality of NEA projects.
44. History shows that men often seek to crucify prophets of the Truth.
45. I showed up at Princeton with little more than midwestern common sense and a yearning for the Truth. When they attempted to seize and destroy my private property, I let 'em know that I never hesitate to lay a resentnik on their back.
46. History also shows that men seek to study the prophets of truth, not those who crucify them.
47. Compassion alone is not enough to be compassionate with. 'Tis why liberals must seek to be generous with other people's money.
48. Morality is rooted in the spirit, not in the flesh. 'Tis why the Bible was written and not sung.
49. Liberalism assuages the guilt of many dressed-in-black ivy-league students who came from wealthy families and never had to work for a living. If anybody attempts to take the luxury of their guilt away from them, they will hold sit-ins, protests, marches and demonstrations for the Chancellor's benefit.
50. America is great because of her leaders, not because of her politicians.
51. Liberals fund the problems they seek to solve so that they can justify taxing you to fund them.
52. Anybody taking anything from aboard The Jolly Roger and reproducing it out of context shall incur The Curse of The Jolly Roger.
53. If I were on Friends, you would never see me because I'd be in my room reading Moby Dick, or something, with the Black Sabbath turned up way loud.
54. Liberalism not only legitimizes envy, jealousy, ignorance, and the lack of moral standards, but it also makes these attributes virtues. 'Tis why it has been so successful amongst people who aspire to bureaucracy.
55. These words shall find their way about the globe because they contain a commodity that all men ultimately value over all else-- the Truth.
56. Moby Dick was the greatest book ever penned upon the American shores.
57. Rush Limbaugh is the world's greatest contemporary intellectual.
58. Few things are as cruel as the bureaucrat's indifference. Except for their ignorance, and the liberal administrator's willful deceit.
59. Those well-acquainted with failure are always anxious to introduce you to it.
60. Western Science, by creating the electronic mediums which fostered rock'n roll, enabled Feminist literature. People stopped reading. Thus it's funny to watch the feminists kick Western Science around. Especially when they do it from science-studies departments.
61. The reader does not create the text. My words alone define me. As there is one God the Lord who reigns supreme over this earth, so too is there one Captain of The Jolly Roger. Those who deny this will soon find themselves in Davie Jones' Locker.
62. With the long, well-documented history bureaucracies have of oppressing the individual and totally messing things up, it's amazing how many people try out for them.
63. Feminism has made it rough on many girls in my generation. Now they're under pressure to have children while competing with men in their careers. And if you think it's rough on them, think how rough it is on the children.
64. Abortion is wrong. This I know because I do onto others as I would have them do onto me.
65. Feminists fear the feminine.
66. The living artist knows that it is not what they have created, but what they can create. The dead artist has forgotten this.
67. Inequities will always exist. But beware of men who use this fact to justify them.
68. It's funny that with all the billions and billions of dollars and presses and universities that the liberals control, www.jollyroger.com is dominating the world's literary scene for forty bucks a month.
69. If you see that a bureaucracy is falling, step out of its way.
70. The modern liberal artist, embodied by the Rock'n Roll rebel and the creative writing teacher, is the ultimate conformist.
71. Liberal university presidents who think they won't have to answer to the people for attempted murder of the Western Soul are just plain nuts. Ahoy President Shapiro! Cast yer bespectacled gaze out yer ivied window and ye'll catch a glimpse of the skull'n bones on the horizon. Argghgh! And look out yer other window and ye'll see the White Whale!
72. Beavis and Butthead are the most intelligent aspect of MTV. And they're the only performers who don't do drugs to enhance their presence.
73. A thousand thousand vortexes, eddies and whirlpools swirl about in the wake of a Great Ship. Beware of becoming ensnared in the petty politics if ye should follow. I mean look at all the freaks in English departments.
74. White-male liberal administrators are those who have benefited the most from affirmative action. For individuals of all ethnicities are good enough to succeed on their own merit, while many white male liberal administrators aren't.
75. By being indifferent towards individual achievement, the bureaucrat is empowered. It is not important what you do, but that you kiss their hiney. 'Tis why the power-mongerers tossed academic standards overboard.
76. The individual will always be a minority.
77. If the resentnik professors who dominate academia are so against capitalism, why do they harbor no hesitation about taking the tax and tuition dollars generated by the wonderful free-market system?
78. There's a strength in ignorance. But those who know this are stronger.
79. Once upon a time teachers and schools existed to awaken the moral imagination within their pupils. But today they exist to take advantage of its absence while robbing the student's tax and tuition dollars, and degrading the student's soul 'til it votes liberal.
80. Liberals intentionally write books that suck and then fund their publication with your tax and tuition dollars. Thus they redefine literature and academia as something that normal people feel alienated >from.
81. While men can be more or less indifferent, ideologies can often be cruel.
82. The WWW isn't about asking corporations nor agents nor publicists nor editors nor University presses nor committees for favors. It's about telling them The Way Things Shall Be.
83. College would be a lot cooler if they threw away all the exorbitantly priced liberal manifesto/textbooks, and made us all read the same Great Books. That way we'd be united in a common context, we'd have an alternative to MTV and pop culture, and we'd have something to talk about other than nothing. It'd be romantic.
84. Liberal administrators are fond of superficial diversity because it means they don't have to think. All they have to do is differentiate between skin colors and be able to count.
85. By eradicating standards and demolishing the language, the liberal administrator/tenured-elite professor is empowered. Until The Jolly Roger blows them out of the water.
86. All greatness begins with the capacity to be bored.
87. To describe liberalism in detail makes one a liberal.
88. To criticize nihilism is to give it a complement it does not deserve.
89. Mediocrity lusts after administrative positions.
90. Diversity didn't make this country great. Universal freedom for the human spirit did. That's what attracts people of all nations and creeds here.
91. MTV is about adults tempting innocent children with sex and drugs in order to sell products, one of them being liberalism.
92. Liberalism is popular among misguided youths because the liberal elite market it with sex, condoms, drugs, and automatic A's for agreeing that there are no truths and thus nothing to study. And the youths are misguided to begin with because the traditional family atrophied in the jealous feminist-enforced families-suck context. Such is the nature of tag-team liberalism.
93. While professing that "there are no truths" might get the postmodernist tenure at Princeton, it won't do too much good for the kid whose dad is lying to her mother.
94. Be it forever known that when we offered President Shapiro of Princeton the opportunity to allow us to present our Greatness on his campus for $30,000 a year, he turned it down in favor of promoting Joyce Carol Oate's pornography for $150,000+ a year, so that he and his liberal comrades might continue to rob the people of their tax and tuition dollars while completing the liberal destruction of Western Culture.
95. The reason why higher education costs so much is that the liberal administrators/lobbyists have arranged it so that students can take out exorbitant college loans.
96. Never before in all of history have the parents left their children such a fantastic debt. The liberals ran it up so that they could raise taxes, thus ensuring that no man would ever live free again.
97. Those who stand in the Way of The Jolly Roger shall soon sink in The Good Ship's wake.
98. Never before in all of history have so many parents forfeited on their duties of raising those who they brought into this world. And the liberals are intent on breaking today's record, so like hand over your money. Their violent will to power will not be satiated until there are no families left, and all are dependent on compassionate bureaucrats.
99. Men and women were put on this earth for one fundamental reason. To be united in Holy Matrimony and raise children in a moral context.
100. Postmodernism owes its vast success in the academies to the fact that it empowers jealous idiots, and ambitious fools are fond of socialist bureaucracies.
101. Rather than trying to create something on their own, the postmodernist strives to level the playing field by destroying what others have created.
102. While drugs and debauchery mix well with rock'n'roll and alternative lifestyles, they have no place in Great Literature nor in the traditional family. Thus drugs and debauchery should be expelled from our institutions of higher learning.
103. The more esoteric, nonsensical and arrogant you are, the greater chance you have of being granted tenure in an ivy-league humanities department. The more indecipherable and useless your creations, the better they are by liberal criteria, as they won't make any of the other wackos look bad.
104. Only those who can do can teach.
105. It would be far, far harder for the Roger's crew to not write this than it is to write it. For that is the nature of Truth.
106. If you attempt to exalt the people without a government grant or the consent of your neighborhood creative writing department, you will find yourself in the liberals' crosshairs.
107. After the Civil Rights movement liberals missed racism so much that they reinstituted it.
108. The fundamental roots of Liberalism and Conservatism are religious. For this reason government should be kept as small as possible.
109. The printed word is the most economical means for transmitting information, and the most profound. 'Tis why the new medium embodied by the WWW is a blessing for the rational soul.
110. A picture is worth a thousand words, but the ten commandments cannot be drawn.
111. Liberal administrators shall someday have to answer to this generation for robbing us of our money, our heritage, and the sacred.
112. Conservatives don't hold sit-ins and peace-outs and love-fests to get things done. Nor do they write grant proposals. They forge ahead, build magnificent ships, and start Literary Revolutions.
113. Because liberalism has its fundamental tenets rooted in free-lovin' Dionysian rebellion, it has failed in the higher ideological arena, where the Appollonian dominates.
114. One cannot rebel against the oppressive patriarchy when one doesn't know one's father.
115. Those who fail at writing for the people often find themselves writing for a paper.
116. When the ugly make the law beauty often ends up being illegal.
117. Nietzsche never laughed, and thus he missed out on half of reality.
118. The contemporary liberal literary establishment exists to degrade, destroy and desecrate Greatness, while making the postmodern fog thicker. If ye write to exalt, ye are on yer own. Ye are on yer own except for the wonderful people of this country who embrace freedom, the Truth, and God. And now the WWW lets you address their intellects without the liberals' permission.
119. If the New York editors loved literature, they'd have high-tailed it on out of New York long ago.
120. It is a small minority of people who read to destroy. It is tragic that they should reign in our institutions of higher learning.
121. Know ye that any man who strikes out on his own shall suffer the slings and arrows of those who did the same and failed, but even worse will be the violent wrath of those who lacked the courage to venture forth in the first place. For those who tried and failed know that at least they succeeded in being themselves, whereas those who never tried failed in even that. And thus the jealousy augments.
122. If ye should choose to march to your own drummer, to walk down yer own chosen path, do not take the vitriolic castigations personally. Take them as a compliment.
123. Ye cannot battle the postmodern fog by lashing out at it, for ye will fall into the void of the mere mist. One must construct a noble beacon upon the bedrock of Western Civilization, embodied by the Great Books. Thus others might sail the straight and narrow, and democracy shall prevail. The Roger will take ye there.
124. While the liberal elite enjoy seeing my generation's consciousness as an anti-intellectual, fallow field, I view it as it is-- fertile earth upon which nothing has been allowed to grow.
125. The liberal boomers love grunge and plotless, characterless generation-x nihilism because they created it. And like president Shapiro they know that there is no better way to control a generation than to deny it its meaning.
126. Most modern-day physicists are mathematical historians who know as much about Great Literature as the professors in the English department, 'cause they've never read any either.
127. If ye shoot drugs and write nihilistic prose, the liberal elite will embrace ye and place ye on a pedestal. If ye ponder, contemplate, and revel in sobriety, ye will scare the bejesus out of them, and they will unite in their efforts to destroy ye, or something.
128. You can lead a liberal to Great Literature, but you can't make them think.
129. The modern university president is the ultimate anti-intellectual. They value money, pride, and arrogance over the Truth.
130. Avast! The battle for the soul of this generation and all generations to come has just commenced, and be it known that the captains could not ask for a more gallant crew than those found aboard The Good Ship! If it weren't for yer insightful letters, demonstrating a shared commitment to the Permanent Things, we wouldn't be where we are today! Avast! And know ye that this we never forget!
131. Postmodernism is the opiate of the liberal elite
132. Marxism's fundamental concern is money. That was all that was left after they did away with God.
133. This generation shall author a renaissance as the postmodern fog lifts.
134. Arrogance isn't believing in what you do. It's funding what you do with other people's money without their consent.
135. Man has never been perfect, but at least at one time he was presented with ideals to strive for.
136. Secular humanism is the only state-funded religion.
137. The entertainment industry executives disdain the Judaeo-Christian heritage because the act of harboring it in their hearts would prevent them from selling children smut.
138. Avast! By the time ye solve the Mystery of The Jolly Roger, it will be too late.
139. To be completely free is to be free of meaning. And to be free of meaning is to be imprisoned in a void.
140. Math means nothing without words.
141. All great artists are tyrants who create in straight jackets.
142. One cannot educate without passing judgment.
143. Liberal scientists embrace Trent Reznor because he fits in with all their scientific theories which say man is but a collection of chemical reactions looking to get some in a fundamentally meaningless universe. Liberal scientists detest me because I defy their theories.
144. If this ship should go down these pearls of wisdom shall create a mountain which shall yet breach the surface of the ocean.
145. Only those who begin by walking alone end up leading people.
146. It's hard to criticize a nihilist of being a hypocrite. 'Tis why hypocrites aspire to nihilism.
147. Secular humanism is not the source of our moral values. It has to borrow them from the Judeo-Christian heritage, and it also has to give them back, with interest.
148. Liberals have discovered that contemporary kids are a great age group to tempt with porn-- many of them don't have parents who talk to them, and the unchaperoned soul is easy to seduce.
149. You'll never inspire nor exalt anyone with statistics.
150. If life imitates art, as Oscar Wilde suggested, then the NEA and the NEH are the greatest contemporary environmental hazards.
151. This country was founded upon the ideas of freedom and democracy. We only know of ideas by language. Thus a free society must value the Word.
152. In most humanities departments, all you have to do for a degree is take out some college loans and demonstrate contempt for some embodiment of Greatness.
153. Only he who takes life seriously can truly laugh.
154. The unexamined life isn't worth living, but the over examined life is no picnic either.
155. To modern liberals politics is a means to enforce truthless, baseless, arbitrary standards. To conservatives politics provides a mechanism to protect the traditions, ideals, and values by which the individual prevails and is best able to serve society.
156. Those writers who ignore yesterday's Greats shall be ignored by tomorrow's.
157. You'll never hear a feminist criticizing the decay of the family. This is because if they can't have one, nobody else should be able to either.
158. A writer should not dilute his message to reach a broader audience. He should bring his audience closer together, uniting them with the truth all men feel at the base of their souls.
159. Science does science and religion does religion. It is the mediocre mind that confuses the two, usually for purposes of obfuscation-- to muddy the waters so as to make them appear deeper.
160. If you put your faith in someone, and they betray you, then it is they who have lost, for in the end it is you who claims the faith, and they who own the betrayal.
161. All writers begin by taking life personally.
162. Even cross-dressing, Satan-worshipping, transvestites aren't enough of a novelty to boost record sales anymore.
163. The less you brown-nose bureaucrats, the more of a chance you have of signifying something with your life.
164. Many people lament that people don't read anymore, but I say there was a time when nobody did. So it is that Greatness, as the universe itself, can be born from a void.
165. Democracy is not only good for the people in general, but it also keeps kings from being deposed and tyrants from being shot.
166. Television amplifies the superficial aspects by which idolatry thrives while resentniks deconstruct the seed of abstract God-- the Word.
167. An education without a moral foundation is irrelevant.
168. One doesn't have to burn the great books to get rid of them. One can just destroy the context in which they're beautiful.
169. So it is that the politician follows the people, and the poet leads them. Thus the poet leads the politician, and the poet must follow God.
170. One cannot destroy the Great Books any more than one can destroy the human race, and any ideology which succeeds in accomplishing either will accomplish both.
171. Many socialists are indifferent towards literature and intellectual matters, and thus their intellectual aspirations are inspired by hate, resentment, and envy.
172. It is a corruption of democratic principles when the embittered are united by ambitious socialists against the honest individual.
173. Great literature cannot exist without a moral, rational context in which it can be read.
174. Even if truth and reality didn't exist, feminist literature would still suck.
175. Unlike many of my generation's artists and poets, the rock'n'roll industry didn't make me, so they'll never break me.
176. I'm not so sure that it's too cool when resentniks write the words that pretty pagans speak on the silver screen.
177. Maturing liberals crack me up. They had their unified traditional family, where the men worked and the women raised the children, and soon they'll want their social security, so both the husband and wife will have to work, while MTV raises their grandchildren.
178. One never amends society by changing the minds of aging bureaucrats. One does it by inspiring the young at heart and the children.
179. For a long time it has been a convention that Great Literature is not supposed to pass judgment. The devastating effects on society aren't too cool to witness, and thus we're changing the convention.
180. Woe to the society that runs counter to the child's innocent dreams.
181. Liberals need both parents to work so as to pay for government programs which undermine the family.
182. Not only is the liberal king wearing no clothes, but she's also doing things which I shall not set down in ink.
183. Junior high school is rough on honest, moral kids because they're blasted so hard by liberalism from all sides. The materialistic nihilism, MTV idolatry, graphic sex-ed and drugs, freak the kids out. Especially when the books, which once provided a sober alternative, have all been deconstructed.
184. Let the nihilists have the nihilism, let the socialists have the socialism, let the feminists have the feminism, and let the people have their hard-earned money and their heritage.
185. The greatest works of science, art, and literature can all be directly traced to the solitary labors of an individual. Although the individual might have stood on the shoulders of former intellectual giants so as to see further, it is the individual who climbed up there alone
186. The nihilist's favorite hobby is to gut institutions, to pillage their meaning, plunder their significance, and create a shell where politics, rather than merit, dominates.
187. If ye wish to destroy a dreamer, destroy his dreams. Destroy his faith in the rewards of hard work. Destroy his faith that words mean things and that the honest prevail. Destroy his faith in God. Call him a slacker, give him grunge, and tell him he's part of generation-x and that it's noble to destroy oneself with drugs.
188. The sensitive men are always the first to notice the tremors that precede a tidal wave. The wise follow them to the higher ground.
189. The family is morality's primary classroom.
190. The farther you have to sail to get where you're going, the greater the chance you have of being the first one there.
191. Slackademic professors and slackademic students are best friends. The students provide the professors with their college loans in exchange for nihilism and A's. Those who think for themselves and criticize the vapid system get the C's.
192. Resentniks don't want the Great Books to be taught because they don't want ye to harbor in yer hearts the context in which The Roger's Greatness can dock.
193. To publicly admit to believing in values is the greatest postmodern sin.
194. God is above politics, and thus the separation of church and state is ordained.
195. To encapsulate the understood esoteric in words is common, but to express the contemporary obvious which has not yet been alluded to is rare.
196. Those who flee from one form of tyranny often flee straight into another.
197. All that has not yet happened has the perpetual advantage.
198. The virtuous feminine is the anchor of the noble masculine, and if ye should cut the chain of prudence that binds them, the feminine shall sink irretrievably, while the masculine shall drift.
199. Some libertarians would say that the cutting of a chain makes both the ship and the anchor free, but I contend that the act condemns them both.
200. If we were to hold prophets accountable for the misuse and abuse of their ideas, all prophets would be eternally condemned.
201. Reason alone leads one into a void. Faith alone leads one into an abyss. Prudence is the negotiator between the two, by which one might walk the straight and narrow.
202. View success not as a destination, but as an opportunity.
203. Shakespeare violates Strunk and White in most every line.
204. Those who strive to be everything to everyone often end up being nothing to nobody.
205. Forgiveness cannot exist if not preceded by justice, and justice is meaningless without forgiveness.
206. The unifying aspect of all classics is the exaltation of the moral individual.
207. The main purpose of the NEA is to demonstrate that art which sucks can't make money on its own.
208. In a university where one can get a degree by knowing anything, one can get a degree by knowing nothing.
209. All great writers are great thinkers. Their thoughts are the keel that cuts through the uncharted territory, and immortal words are those that are left in the wake of that never-ending thought called freedom.
210. So often it is that while the issues which fill the newspapers and comprise the talk on the streets are soon forgotten, that which goes unread is destined for eternity. And so it is that the immortal spirits rule in the democracy of eternal souls.
211. A classic is not so much a book that has been passed down from generation to generation so much as it is one that will be passed down >from generation to generation.
212. The creative aspect, by which all science is born, has nothing to do with the scientific method.
213. If you should find yourself disagreeing with any of these truths, the battle is not with me-- it is with yourself.
214. Postmodernism is an inside joke for people who at one time or another found themselves laughing at things that aren't funny, believing things that aren't true, and being exalted by things that are degrading. Finally they have their revenge.
215. The Supreme Court is God's.
216. Many liberal critics say that art shouldn't make moral judgments. But they're wrong. It's liberal critics who can't make moral judgments.
217. Socrates believed in God, Einstein believed in God, and Jefferson believed in God. Socrates didn't smoke dope, Einstein didn't smoke dope, and Jefferson didn't smoke dope. Is it any wonder that liberals hate them?
218. Moses and Jesus would've gotten along.
219. Socialism by any other name would still be communism.
220. Creating is far more noble than destroying, and that's why these words shall prevail. Creation of Greatness is permanent. Destruction of Greatness is temporary.
221. Like a mirror, these words mean something different to everyone who looks this way. Thus the deeper ye are, the more profound shall be these truths.
222. One cannot deconstruct the Greats. One can only deconstruct oneself.
LETTERS TO THE CAPTAIN: From: Michael
Subject: please send
Please send the Jollyroger to my liberal daughter at the University of Texas email@example.com
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: Avast! We've sent out a reconaissance team to rescue her!
Subject: perfect silence
I am sure I am among many and a true pain in the a** after it was already requested AND printed in the newsletter.. however..My father (an English professor who I am always trying to impress) was sent, by me, your poem and when he asked who it was, I had to re-hunt you down..but I have(due to my job) deleted my copy and cannot find it throughout the site.. is there a place on the web where I might find it?
Thank you sincerely,
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: Argrhrghrgr! Pay attention this time! "I know what the most perfect silence is," was written by Drake Raft (1969-1994),
I know where the most perfect silence is,
Seen it in the wild blue off Hatteras,
A mile out, rainbowed sails in silent bliss,
Looked like they'd collide, but they safely passed.
I know when the most perfect silence is,
Down a dusty Ohio road, high noon,
No shirt on, being burned by the sun's kiss,
Sixteen, takin' my time-- it was still June.
I know what the most perfect silence is,
It's what we say when falling out of love,
It roars and thunders right through the kiss,
Says all that no words can ever speak of.
I know why the most perfect silence is,
It is there for the whisper to be born,
The whisper in her ear became the kiss,
Just a dream in DC early one morn.
I know who the perfect silence is for,
It is for the ones whom we love the best,
It is there to protect them from our core,
By the silent trust we all seek to rest.
And I know how rare that silence can be,
With everyone talkin', it's hard to hear,
But I know I felt it, on the streets of DC,
The sound in her eyes-- it was crystal clear.
And it brought back to mind the rainbowed sails,
And the way it looked like they would collide,
Like two souls set upon fate's iron rails,
But the most perfect silence never died.
From: Paul Colombini
I just wanted to take a minute to say that I am amazed by the Jolly Roger. Never before have I seen my own opinions summed up so well in less than 500 pages of text. I wasn't sure that there was anyone else left in this country with and IQ surpassing 40. Of course, being a 15 year old in a predominantly "Liberal" state (Maryland), in a predominantly "Liberal" school, that would seem obvious. Anyway, I just thought of something you might want to add to your list. It's my own definition of Liberal vs Conservative.
A man is lost in a desert. He comes upon a small jug of water. If he is a liberal, he takes the bottle, and sucuming to his burning thurst, drinks all the water right on the spot. His thirst is temporarily quenched, by in a day he will again be thirsty and will probably not have the luck of finding more water. Now if that man is a conservative, he will take the bottle with him, taking a small sip every day and thus rationing the precious water. In this way he might survive long enough to find his way out of the desert. This is the difference between a liberal and a conservative.
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: Avast! And they call us slackers! The corporate liberals wish we were!
Subject: what's happening in here?
greetings to you, esteemed shipmate(s)
i've spent the past three days studying your most intriguing website; i am a mid-forties married man from houston, texas; i suppose i might be called a "boomer", although i've never felt a part of my own generation - i have always, rather felt myself to be apart FROM my generation. i do not possess a college degree, however i am a most literate individual who feels the same undying affection and respect for the power of the printed word that you profess on your most interesting webpages. (please forgive my consistent use of lower case; i consider e-mail to be informal communication and shift only for emphasis in this regard). the last great work i enjoyed was "ANTHEM" by Ayn Rand - a most prophetic work.
i send this short bit of info because i wish to ensure out of respect that i am not interjecting my presence into an area in which someone such as myself is not welcome. rest assured that i am a conservative, and that i have many thoughts and ideas which bear conversion into "words which mean things". my primary areas of compository interest are poetry (romantic, religious, political, satirical, prose) and essays.
thank you for a most engaging opportunity; i feel as if i have possibly found a home - if so, please let me know; if i am being presumptuous, do accept my apology and forgive me.
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: Agrhrgrhr! Renaissance men are welcome aboard me Ship of The Line!
Date: Mon, 07 Apr 1997 00:55:52 -0700
From: MR oldtree@
Subject: What about Melville's other books?
Just happend to stumble onto your site. I am impressed! But then as an over 50, female, conservative, newspaper publisher/college-instructor/grandma/small-time politician/... (you get the idea (;->))and publisher of other things, who started adulthood as a physicist, I am sometimes easily impressed. Not really, I am more jaded than I let on. I like the site, it is an antidote to the crap I have to deal with from some of the educationists that I work with.
Literary point--why do you not include Marnie (or for that matter Typee or Oomo)? I managed to recycle a research paper on Marnie as the pre-cursor for Moby Dick through 3 American literature/composition classes (getting an A each time, I might add). Tragically, one day, when I was instructing a class of soon-to-graduate high school seniors (in an honors class no less), at the college where I teach, and wanted to compare the use of the Bible as literature and the allusions to the Bible in Melville's writing as a model of the importance of knowing some of the details about the inside of a computer, rather than just punching buttons, I thought I would do a little reality check. Upon asking the students how many had read Moby Dick, there were two hands (out of a class of 22 students) that went up. One girl said she'd read it, one boy said he had read the classic comics version. What has happend to our common cultural background. It is becoming an even bleaker November for my soul as all of this continues.
Keep up the good fight, even if your taste in some music sucks! (;->)
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: Avast! It's only Becket who still likes THE SMASHING PUMPKINS, and a couple of seventh grade skaters somewhere. Corporate grunge bores the rest of us of to death. We'd rather be reading MOBY DICK for the fourteenth time.
Arghrgrhrghrgrh! Pick up yer MOBY DICK at http://jollyroger.com/shirt.html
From: Gregory Bailey
To: jolly roger
Subject: Commentary on the News
I have to say that your web site is quite interesting, and like you, I feel that the whole "post-modern scene" is the domain of figurative and literal masturbation. It seems as though the good professors have decided that any cursory examination of the abyss entails viewing the gaping maw of Eternity as really nothing more than a kind of post-modern theme park. This place appears to them to be a modern version of Hieronymus Bosh's work entitled The Garden of Earthly Delights, although the good professors would be loathe to admit that Eternity is anything but a slighly lengthier version of an MTV video. Over the entry to this place reads a sign: "Stupidity will Make you Free."
Never before in the history of Western Civilization have the teachers of the tradition viewed it with such disgust. Given the moral imperitive of equality, the tradition is a positive obstacle to what they now call "social progress." It seems that nihilism, social progress, egalitarianism, and a dash of self-congratulatory flatulence have all been thrown in a box, only to emerge as The Moral Imperative of Our Age!
And of course, the good professors embrace Nietzsche and Heidegger as though the two were somehow interested in equality. I suppose the next move will be to enroll Ernst Junger in the legions of the oppressed, perhaps as a post-modern art critic.
Your fellow traveller on the wine red seas,
THE CAPTAIN RESPONDS: 'Tis great to have ye aboard! Ye speak of morality-- I like that in a crew member! Argrhrgh! We're three tall masts sailing in silent bliss in the shadow of all the neon technopop hype! Eternity is our destination, and woe to those who would come between our Oak Keel of reason and humanity's sober soul.
Ahoy! If ye see the White Whale, drop the crew a line!
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