Breathing the life back into literature.

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Ahoy there! To sign aboard the JOLLY ROGER, just knock on the door above. But remember to fill out your email and name first, and go ahead and choose a cool name, like Terror of the Seven Seas, or John "Board 'Em in The Smoke" Doe, or something. Don't be shy-- it's OK for serious intellectuals to play pirate-- especially when we've become accustomed to walking the plank in liberally-dominated academic institutions.

BLACKBEARD'S CABIN (now alt.culture.jollyroger) is a discussion room where conservatives enjoy putting the first amendment to good use in each-others' company. If your news host doesn't carry this newsgroup, you can request it by sending a message to your post master at postmaster@yourdomain.xxx.

This laid-back talk-parlor has been instituted at the request of many readers of THE JOLLY ROGER, the flagship of the fastest-sailing literary revolution on the seven cyber-seas. Many fellow sailors expressed that they would enjoy having access to a forum supporting a free-for-all discussion pertaining to current cultural and academic issues. We thought this would be a great idea, as THE JOLLY ROGER is unable to publish all the cool e-mail we receive from all you interesting people scattered across the globe. So we decided to open Blackbeard's Cabin to all our fellow sailors who have at one time or another had their souls exalted by Great Literature created in the context of our Western Heritage. We hope you all have fun getting to know one another-- just steer clear of the captain's adult beverage cabinet!

If you are not yet signed aboard THE JOLLY ROGER, you can do so my sending the message, "join jollyroger," to jollyroger@jollyroger.com.

It is often stated throughout the major media that the people of this country are anti-intellectual. This is stated in the following media-elite/liberal professor context: the major media and liberal professors are intellectuals, and the people of this country are a mass of dolts who force Time Warner to publish pornography instead of poetry. And because the stupid, unrefined heathens force Time Warner to publish nihilistic sex and violence, it thus becomes their duty to pay more taxes to support the NEA and NEH, so that professors can preserve higher culture, like lesbian performance art.

But now, just like the firemen in Farenheight 451 whose chief concern was to ignite the fires to burn the books rather than to extinguish the flames, the chief concern of the liberal professor/editor/media mogul is to destroy the individual artist, rather than encourage and nourish them. The liberal machine will reward those of my generation with fame, fortune, and adulation if they conform to the liberal artistic guidelines and shoot heroin and get naked and things up on a stage. They will be given a bonus if they contract AIDS, but if one dares to write sober poetry, they will be kicked out of creative writing class by a feminist. Today the feminists' primary mission in academia is to make the study of literature so unappetizing that any young scholar who comes to college loving literature will major in physics. That way they won't have to witness the liberals murdering cool books. Thus the feminists are assured better laser printers, and their manifestos can be printed with cooler fonts.

Kurt Cobain and grunge are favorites of the corporate baby boomers, as like the first Woodstock, they too are a creation of the aging liberals. They had Woodstock I to get high and do things, and they held the second one to make a buck. Pepsi wasn't the official drink of Woodstock I, but the music was better. A great day for the industry came when Kurt shot himself in the head. That made him resemble John Lennon, and the event lent the new line of flannel Polo shirts that Kate Moss never wears in her ads a credibility.

It's a free country and the Time Warner crowd have every right to bury their consciences and publish drug-inspired pornography, and we have every right to publish words that mean things, written within a moral context, even though it won't get us tenure. A huge contigent of this country, like us and yourselves, is looking for meaningful literature written in the tradition of the great works of the Western Canon. We're not here to attack liberalism, but rather we are here to defend Great Literature and principled thought against those forces which threaten their existence, like liberalism.

The rising corporate elites, some of whom dropped acid a few too many times in the sixties, are the true unrefined dolts. Not only are they contributing to the cultural and moral decline of a nation by aiming their major commodities of sex, drugs and violence at children, but they're also missing out on an opportunity to make money while exalting the peoples' spirits with great literature. The thing you have to realize about a liberal is that in their mind it's not politically proper to publish words that mean things. Sober thought is the enemy of the feminist, as sober thought gives birth to logic and reason, and when viewed in such a context, books like Joyce Carol Oates' Girl Gang suck. It's interesting to note how reluctant the Time Warner executives are to defend their commodity. I wonder if they buy their children Snoop Doggy-Dog for Christmas or Hannukah? "Hey, this is how to talk to girls, son. It's how I met your step-mother."

These aging executives/professors are only increasing in entertainment value, and we enjoy having fun with 'em, so it's kind of cool they'll be around for awhile yet, along with their younger generation-x disciples. Isolated in their mansions, tenured in their ivy-covered offices, perched high atop the towers of Geffen Records (or brown-nosing their way on up there), they've lost touch with what it feels like walking the streets of this nation. MTV bores us, dudes. It isn't us-- it's you. We've been brought up with free love, and we wouldn't mind some that's worth working for.

The liberal bureaucrats are so concerned that we have one teacher of each sex and ethnicity that they let us go through school without ever being taught that the Declaration of Independence was written for us. They let students slip on through diversity studies without ever telling them that higher culture and literature are their spirtual treasures, and that the protection of these treasures which nurture their consciences is their duty as students. They give the students condoms, tell them not to acknowledge the existence of a higher being in the cafeteria, and then they tell Uncle Sam they need more funds to study why so many kids are on drugs.

The conservative artist and intellectual asks nothing from the greatest government on earth, nor do we ask anything from the universities or the major media establishments, but that our unalienable Rights be protected. The government has already provided us with the freedom to express our thoughts, and the WWW has provided us with a medium to publish our literaure. And that, along with fellow humans yearning for truth and beauty, is all that is needed to launch a literary revolution, sans sex, sans drugs, sans government grants, sans a recommendation from Joyce Carol Oates, sans approval from the editors of Rolling Stone.

This is the sober soul of our generation and the subtle reality of our era. It is far too rich to be packaged into sound-bites or sold to Hollywood at any price. It is too real to be comprehended by a dissertation committee. And that is why we are preserving it in The New Literature. So come on and sign aboard the fastest-sailing literary movement on the seven cyber-seas, and subscribe to The Jolly Roger by sending the message, "join jollyroger," to jollyroger@jollyroger.com.

All the best,

Drake Raft --Captain
Becket Knottingham-- First Mate
Elliot McGucken --Second Mate